The New York subway tunnels are the arteries and veins for getting millions of New Yorkers where they need to go, and back. Unfortunately, anytime you put that many people together for anything, there’s bound to be plenty of douches.
Here’s a list of new age circus freaks you’re bound to run across on the subway.
1. The Bouncer
The person who stands directly in front of the doors, as if they’re if charge of the train passenger quota.
2. The Prepper
The person who gets up on a crowded train two stops before their actual stop to prepare to depart, as if the train door opens for only one second per station.
3. The Model
The person who’s decided the subway car is their personal boudair and the perfect place to apply all of their make-up.
4. The Drinker
The person who blatantly drinks or smokes on train before eventually passing out.
5. The Music Man
Solo or with a group, they will perform a song that lasts the length of time in between stops before passing around their violin case.
6. Mr. “Showtime”
A combination of The DJ and The Music Man, this talented dance ensemble will provide you abysmal music and hit you up for some cash.
7. The DJ
The person who has decided that their abysmal choice of music should be the soundtrack for your commute.
8. The Body Double
This is the idiot with the large backpack that has now doubled their depth, painfully unaware that every time they spin they knock over multiple people.
9. Bag Man\Lady
The least offensive of the bunch, except that their collection of plastic bags, knapsacks, and carry-on luggage takes up three seats.
10. The Seat-Runners
The person who will knock down a blind, pregnant, one-legged grandmother to get a seat. They saved a seat for him in hell.